What Wants To Emerge?

I've been considering just how much life innovates. Life continues to emerge as something the self has never thought of before. Even when our minds are not paying attention, life innovates in every millisecond.

Entropy is the falling apart of all things, all matter becoming disorganized. Life is the opposite. Life is the coming together, the novel forming of new levels of order, new forms emerging. Life innovates continuously. Four billion years of life evolving on earth, and each moment, each of us on the cutting edge of what's next, what's new, what has never been before. And yet, life energy is seen by our minds in the same way many view money energy. Like there's only so much of it, and then its gone. Entropy. Might as well spend it. Might as well consume. Sit around and eat, try to enjoy oneself. Consume until we die. This is so off purpose from the core driving force of life. Imagine having money in your pocket, and instead of thinking that its all going to be gone, you realized that it can generate more. And not just that it can generate more of itself, but that it could create realities that the world has never seen - and out of that creation, more wealth, more money will become available. Then the money looks like it is a seed to plant in such a way that this whole other reality opens up ... realities that generate new more resources, too. Would you simply trade the money for whatever you could consume - or would you then want to plant it in a way that this magic opened up in front of you and showed you a door to even more riches?

Life is not just going after more of itself. Not just rises in population. Life is going for newness, new never before known, never before lived, always with greater complexity and wild new prospects.

Life is the opposite of entropy. It seeks to create new dimensions of order, new levels of integrated diversity, new communications through its intensely divine web.

If relationships are to have a life of their own, they too must not be primarily consumptive. Couples must feel beyond merely what they get from each other, and tune into what wants to emerge through the loving - not to think about it, but simply to feel that this emergence is the purpose and the life of the relationship. It is what life wants to do through this bond. Regardless if what gets created is baby or some kind of other new never yet known wonderous becoming. And if a relationship stops moving with this intent of creating together, then the relationship starts dying.

Consider the View

From inside each of us, our lives, our goings on seem so big. They
can fill up the whole screen and feel all important... they can even
feel like 'life or death'.

Biked up to the top of a ridge today and came across a view of the
entire Monterey bay. Thousands of trees, then vast waters, and
mountains on the other side. And I felt how small this body is, and
got a reference for the size of this life that I call Corinna.
No less beautiful, but somehow, suddenly, filling up almost no
screen at all.

What's amazing to me is not that we can get caught up in our own tiny
lives, but that our consciousness actually has constant access to
consider and look out from orders of being which are THAT much
larger. It would be like one microscopic heart cell suddenly shifting
from the continual business of regulating what goes across it's own
borders, and somehow registering that this whole body and person is
going on.

What I also think that there's nothing really smaller or larger. Its all just a point of view, but magnitudes of order do seem to change the parameters of what's possible. Especially when we release ourselves from ones in which our attention has been caught.

Vision

Today, everything just came together for me. I saw and I saw and I saw. I've been feeling all week, and feeling blind. Last night, I felt as though I were crazy and coming apart into fragments that could never come together. Then I had the thought that the one who was in this could never find her way out. The one who feels lost - that one in me who was loudest in that moment - truly did not know, could not know, her way out. What dawned on me was the thought that there was another one in me who does know. And that the shift could be immediate. Like Samantha Stevens, I could twitch my nose, and I could suddenly be in a different place - a different place in my self. I was unwilling, in that moment, to go there. That one - the lost feeling one - wanted more air time. But after that realization, none of my feeling waves felt crazy. I went to bed sad, but not fragmented. Somehow, even by just acknowledging that there was another one in me who did know, I then subtly knew that there was a way to have all of what I want for myself, rather than to shred my heart into a sacrifice and either/or action.

And when I woke this morning, my awareness was matter-of-fact and even. I knew immediately upon waking that I had moved to that different 'one' in myself. That "I" simply held that there is a way, and because I knew this, I knew that I would find it. Even these thoughts were not running through my mind. My mind was spacious, and instead this was a feeling, a state of being. And as I found my way through the voices inside me - the ones from either side of the previous nights' dilemma coming up - I could feel that they were resolvable. That I could, and in fact was, resolving them.

Later in the day, as I was riding my bike, a vision emerged. A vision so complete, so full, so utterly resolving. It kept coming, and keeps coming. I feel creativity flowing in me in the same way that I have during a few other key junctures of my life. And such a big part of the vision is to be in constant creativity - and living in co-creativity. The vision yields a radically new context, new structure for my living... and maybe most importantly, a new mission, a whole new plan - one that I feel I have been searching for for years.

Now, I need to find out if my husband is willing to turn toward me all the way, and see me as his beloved wife again... anew. To have and to hold, to take responsibility, to love all the way... even if he doesn't know how. Does he want to?

If so, if he is wholeheartedly wanting to make a life with me and just hasn't seen a way, then I've got a new vision to share with him.